The Painted Tape Logs

My 15?

On May 28, 2009 I will finally -- after an appalling 5.5 month hiatus -- get to leave Alaska again to fly to Chicago for the Classical Singer Convention 2009!!!!  

This is monumental for several reasons -- it is my first professional convention!  You know, like "National Organization of Pediatrics Convention 2009"...yeah, after going to this thing, I think I can truly say that my profession is "SINGER".  Secondly, I hope I'll get to network with some peeps in the biz and meet other singers -- I don't know how many are signed up, but I'm sure at least 1,000!  I keep thinking, "probably I won't know anyone there" -- but what am I saying, this world of singing is so small, I'm bound to recognize someone I can latch on to!

Also, thirdly, I will get to see renowned best friend Shaz who I've not seen in over TWO YEARS!!!!!!!  That is just wrong!

Fourth: Now, Classical Singer is not just a kitchy genre designator, but an actual magazine.   We in the singing world have a love/hate relationship with it.  On the right hand, it's a vat of useful information on auditions around the country -- on the left hand, about 85% of the articles are fairly uninteresting.  But hey, that's my personal opinion, right?

Well, personal opinion is def. going to have to go through a makeover, because you are looking at one of THE singers -- there are only about 25 of us -- who got picked to sing at one of 7 masterclasses at the Convention!!!!!!!!!  Here is the link you can see my name on the web-site: http://www.classicalsinger.com/convention/protrack/masterclass/list.php

OK, let me 'splain what a masterclass is for my devoted readers! :) 

Masterclass - a session where a master works with a student in a class, or public, setting. 

In an acorn shell, I will bring a piece or two to sing. I get up there and sing it, then the "master" gives me a coaching or voice lesson in front of the audience. It is sort of like a public voice lesson. Ok, normally masterclasses in college were not so big -- I mean, audience of like 40-50....ahem....but I have a feeling this one in Chicago will be more like in the HUNDREDS! agggggggggghhhh!

So basically, what I thought would just be a nice convention to meet some people has turned into, oh crap I really have to practice now!!! Oh man, my roots in my hair look awful!!! oh turds, I need to get my audition dress hemmed!!! oh stink, time for starvation diet to fit in Vera Wang dress!!! Monkey nuts, WHAT AM I GOING TO SING!!!!

...and in the midst of this all I can't help from wondering....will this be my 15 minutes of fame???

The life of a cover...

I can hear you now...bedspread cover? tupperware cover? coverlet?  book cover??? 

No.  I'm talking about a cover as in...cover your butt when you're in trouble! I got your back man! Lean on me! If you get hit in the knee by a psycho weilding a police baton, I'll be there!  You pop a vocal chord, I'm ready to make my fabulous debut!

This has been the year of cover roles for me.  In many ways, being a cover is like riding the Incredible Hulk roller coaster.

One minute you're just hanging on on the uphill, life is good, learning the music as best you can but all the while kinda knowing that you won't ever hit that downhill -- or possibly it is coming...but possibly it's all just a bunch of hype.  Then....you get the phone call, "Hi Christine. I think I'm going to cancel and not sing.  Do you have the music learned?" ....aaaaaaaand it's over the top down the hill, frantic texts to friends, trips to the bathroom, heart in throat, shortness of breath, sure you are going to die!!!!

    Me: OMG, I can't do it. Hyperventilating here, where is my bag?  Can't breathe.

    Shaz: You are fine, think of what an oppourtunity this will be.

    Me: Yeah, but the conductor works at the MET!!!  As in, I've seen his name on the credits in the movies.

    Shaz: So what? Lata worked at the Lyric. no big deal, you will rock this.

    Me: omg, nerves and adrenaline. brb...have to go to bathroom.

Well....then after those first three loops you get another call.  "Hello Christine?  Yeah, so I AM going to sing afterall. Sorry for the scare, thanks for being there though!"  This is like that little hill mid-coaster where peace and calm kind of reign for a minute and you pull your stomach out of your mouth...then it's bam for the rest of the ride with wild emotions of "man this could have been my big break" "I could have done it" "why am I learning this again??????"

I know at the end of the ride I really will have experienced something wonderful -- that having learned another piece of music can only make me more prepared in the end -- but at the moment I am in the corkscrew second half of the ride.

Tough Love

Last night I went to an Opera Guild fundraiser and I hope that I will never forget it.  While the show was great and everyone fabulous and I'm sure a good time was had by all...I, on the other hand, had a horrible night.

Let's go back....doodoodooodooodooodooo....this is what my week looked like this week.

Monday - Monty Python's "Spamalot"
Tuesday - meeting with Anchorage Opera general director on Tuesday -- very high stress
Wednesday - coaching and fat-filled Greek/Italian dinner 
Thursday - work at new-old second job
Friday - work at new-old second job
Saturday - do Heart Run in the am, Opera Guild show in the pm

....did I mention I also worked 8-5 each day and built a new web-site?  (Check it out at www.christinereneekeene.com)

So, for those of you who don't know me, I like to be busy but at the same time I need to have major Christine time at moments!!  I already feel myself entering what I fondly refer to as my "hermit-stage" - no offense to real hermits out there...in fact, I applaude you.

By Thursday I was as annoyed as getting a mosquito bite; by Friday I was ready to fish slap a few people; by Saturday????  You would have been wise to put the brakes on and back it up before I could hear your voice. 

So, back to the Opera Guild event...I was sitting there, minding my own business at the piano (I was the ever important page-turner) when my "mentor" walks up and starts talking to me.  Now, normally, I just worship the ground she walks on, but last night did anything but reduce me to foot kissing slave.  In fact, by the end of our "chat" -- oh isn't that so friggin cute -- I was ready to stab myself with one of the patrons forks. 

THE REASON
Basically, she threw out a bit of tough love.  "You need to lose weight. It's probably one of the only things that would keep you from being successful as a singer now."
BEGIN MINI-BREAKDOWN NOW .............................................................................dasfhuiawefb3459A&($#$*&#^$HWFOSADHUdfkjh#&$^wqw(*y$r$y&(ewfefy*($hfie*r#$^&($..............................................................................ok, finished yet?? 
NOT QUITE.......wahhhhaahwahhhawhahhhwwahhhhhhh sniff sniff I'm a fat loser....boohoo....booohoooo....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......sh...oot.

Right.  Now that that's over. I spent most of the afternoon brainstorming ways I can lose 4 pounds a month with my roommate -- the ever inspiring super woman of fitness and nutrition!  I mean, props to me, I DID do the Heart Run yesterday....well, walked it.  Hey! That's 5k!

Well, anyways, there you go.  Opera singers are not the fat ladies with horns these days unless you're singing Wagner...and lord knows I don't sing Wagner...and even then, the fat ones are losing gigs to the pretty little skinny ones. I mean, take a look at Debbie Voigt before and after!
 

I mean, thank goodness I don't have to lose that much weight....but you know, at this point, I really wouldn't mind.

Where do I begin....

Due to certain unfortunate life events and people that honestly, I'd like to stab with a knife -- what? I'm an opera singer so I can say that -- my muse and inspiration for blog posts temporarily left me and flew away into the ashen skies. 

But I'm back. Ha.

And it has nothing to do with the fact that I've nothing to do while I'm subbing at a high school -- but they are doing statewide testing so there really is nothing to do -- not my fault.  We are watching "The Day After Tomorrow" and I'm sitting here playing with my new Netbook, but I can't even use the chat function.  I mean, seriously, teachers should be allowed to use chat. it would be so much easier to chat between classrooms, don't you think?  Damn this high school is big.  The office was like, "Your classroom is on Level 5."  I was like, for reals? I have to walk up all those friggin stairs????  You must be off your meds!  Fast forward 5 minutes, there I am, huffing and puffing at the top.  Seriously.  Need to go back to the gym.

Which brings me to the update.  Did I look like this, you ask, for my most recent opera?
 

 
Well.............not.......quite............



Hey, not my fault! I mean, seriously, even if I would've lost 20 pounds I would still have looked like a chubby boy. 

ok, ok, ok...let me 'splain.

This opera was a Spanish opera, or zarzuela.  Actually, it was the first ever Spanish opera performed in Anchorage, so it was pretty ground breaking.  The opera was La Tabernera del Puerto or, "the tavern woman of the port".  Now, every now and then you come across something you never knew about and you absolutely fall in love with it.  Well, that is what happened with this opera.

I played the young, orphan boy Abel.  He fancies himself a poet and I actually had more speaking lines than singing.  The role of Abel is what we call in the opera biz a "pants role" -- or as I explained to my little elementary munchkins, its called a pants role because a woman wears pants instead of a dress. (Yes, very old-fashioned and feminists revolt, yada yada) 

Now I'm going to let you in on a rather well-known secret -- which is all the insecurities and difficulties I had with this role.

Numero uno: My speaking voice.

Throughout my entire life people have told me that I speak "like a child", "like a mouse", "like some furry tailed rodent", "like a chipmunk", "with a tiny, tiny, tiny little pipsqueek voice" -- well, I'm sorry, but that is the way God made me!  Now, speaking voice is one thing, stage voice is quite another.  I am willing to work on my stage voice, but when it comes to my regular, everyday speaking voice, you best back it up!

So when they told me I would have all this dialogue I woke up in cold sweats and had to wear diapers.  But hey, I'm a performer damn it. This is no time to be chicken-shit.  So I bucked up, got help, and as Robert Edwin said, put myself aside and immersed myself in the character of Abel.

Numero dos: I'm a 12 year old boy, I'm a 12 year old boy, I'm a 12 year old boy....

...what the hell, I'm a 29 year old woman!!!!  And I've got all the acutrements, mkay!??!?!  Seriously, if one more person asked me if I was going to bind my boobs I was about to go loco!  So, let's just get this straight -- on a side note -- last opera they wanted lots and lots of busty boobilishisness, this opera they want none.  See previous note about going to gym.

But in all seriousness, I had to learn to walk like a boy, crouch like a boy, fight like a boy -- dang, good thing I had lots of inspiration at the elementary school!

Numero tres:  All the regular have to be on stage fright in my first pretty much real professional gig.

Man, pair all that with having a longish-term sub job for two weeks and I was exhaustivo!!!  But hark, I am alive and will be back on here, giving you all the news of my borish life.  Oooh, love this part of the movie......

"Una voce poco fa", Me, Orchestra....World Premiere

I might've forgot to mention that on Monday night Ms. Egan graciously allowed me to sing through the "Barber" orchestra rehearsal!!!!  Of course, I knew it would happen this way.  I hardly slept a wink Sunday night -- who knows why I laid awake for hours and hours staring at my ceiling -- and then I had substitute job on Monday -- yippee for yelling at Kindergartners for 3 hours. 

So after no sleep and 3 hours of yelling I was allowed to sing an entire opera. 

Surprise on me though.  It actually turned out quite well...but....YOU be the judge!  Here's the recording of "Una voce poco fa" (cleaned up a little to remove the parts when we had to stop). I don't want to brag...but I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out!!!  Of course, there are always things that you need and want to fix -- but that's why we record our rehearsals and lessons!  To learn!

"Una voce poco fa", Monday, February 2, 2009 with the Anchorage Opera Orchestra

EXTRA, EXTRA, read all about it!!!!

Yeah.....so the big news is, there's no news.  As so often happens in this biz, plans change and you have to be flexible!  I didn't sing in the run last night because it was a designer run and, truthfully as much as I have to swallow my pride, I think it's much better if the REAL Rosina does the show as much as possible for the sake of the final finished product.  It's important all the characters get a feel for each others' portrayal of the roles, etc., etc......

.....yeah I'd be totally lying if I didn't say I was a bit put out!!  You'd be amazed at the vicious thoughts that can go through even the sweetest of minds -- I am of course talking about myself.  :)  Especially because I was in such fine voice yesterday.  I warmed up to the elusive high if-my-piano-is really-in-tune F!!!!!!!!  But as in any tragic, disappointing, sad, depressing situation it is important to think positively.

1. I now have the role completely learned and ready.  I have a sneaky feeling that might've been Kate's (real Rosina and my "mentor") real evil plan in saying I should do the run!!!  Evil, just ev-ile!!!! :)

2. I practiced yesterday and the day before....practice is always good.

3. uh.....yeah, see, my soprano friend -- who I have decided to nickname "Shaz" after the brilliant best friend of Bridget Jones (everyone should have a Shaz) -- is so much better at thinking positively than me.  But then again, she DOES have a shrink so I think she has an unfair advantage! :)

4. I was justified in stuffing myself with potato soup and that giant peanut butter cookie.

For your info...

Well, if the rumor's hold true, I will be singing the run tonight of Anchorage Opera's "Barber of Seville" and no.....................

I'M NOT FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Granted it's only a rehearsal, but I never even thought as the cover -- where historically at Anchorage Opera no covers hardly ever get to sing -- that I would actually have to sing it.  But seems that I have some very supportive and amazing mentors and directors who like me up here and are actually giving me the chance to run the show.  Um...gee.....thanks????

No really, I AM excited but you have to understand -- incredibly nervous right now!!!!! 

So to give you a taste of one of the things I have to accomplish tonight, here is one of the most famous arias from the show -- for your info!

Renee gets Lacroix, I get a Dirndl

It is now the second week of:

INCREDIBLE SHRINKING SOPRANO EXPERIMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weight: 5,000 pounds -2.5....only 4,997.5 to go!!!!!

The gym is starting to get a bit boring for me, you know, I AM a soprano and have the attention span of a child needing to pee -- so I found a little hole in the wall bellydance class to go to on Tuesday nights.  Oh, if only you could have seen me shakin my belly...ahem, fat...seriously?  You want me to what with my what????

Anyways, as a cover for Rosina I get to sit around the rehearsal space and glean, glean, glean from artists actually making a living out there singing.  Some might call it boring -- but I find it quite interesting -- plus I get to drool over the handsome men for 6 hours and drink free coffee.

And finally, got the lovely task of going to the costume shop for my "busty sexy tart" costume....hmmmm....yeah, not really sure about that: 

Renee gets Christian LaCroix gowns:

And I get a dirndl:

The INCREDIBLE SHRINKING SOPRANO!

Last week I had the incredible fortune to watch the MET HD production of Massenet's "Thais" -- in which Ms. Renee Fleming looks like a bizillion, trillion dollars in Christian LaCroix gowns -- and I have decided that Renee Fleming will be my new inspiration to lose this baby fat of mine...who am I kidding, it's more like whalloping whale fat. 

I mean, this biz really is all about image, and nobody wants to see -- sorry to say -- a fat, or even chubby opera singer anymore.  Add to the fact that I will be playing two pants roles (women dressed up like a boy) in the next year...yeah, this fatty got to GO!

So you know how people like to put up their weight loss efforts in their blogs so the world can see their progress??  Well, this now officially begins the

INCREDIBLE SHRINKING SOPRANO EXPERIMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current Weight: 5,000 lbs!!!!!!!!!!  no just kidding, but now 150 doesn't seem so bad, right??? :)
Butt measurement: Huge.
Arms: Huge.
Thighs: Thunderous.

Here is the BEFORE pic:

  

   Notice the blubbery, lethargic soprano passed out in complete exhaustion...poor thing.

And now for the AFTER!:

 

Completely confident in stature and style, the soprano blythly greets her admirers!

YES! This will be ME by the opening of my show on March 25, 2009!!!!  Let's get it on!!!

"Fiiiiiiiiigaro, Fiiiiiiiiigaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro...."

I do apologize for the somewhat longish pause in the posting -- one wonders how many times apologies and excuses can be made for lapses in postings (also apologies for digressing) -- but now that I have a bit of music to learn, I have been....extremely hard working and having no time for frivolous concerns such as Facebook and blogging.  Big fake smile.

Ok, Ok...sheesh, you "persons considered unfairly oppressive and needlessly strict."  But in all fairness, instead of spending my hours borishly surfing and gathering useless knowledge from the internet at temp jobs, I have been using the 8 hours (give or take a few) to learn a role that I will most likely NOT be singing. 

Why would someone learn a role they won't be singing and are not getting paid to learn, you ask??  Well, by all means, let me enlighten you! 

1.  Can put it on my resume

2.  Keeps me in vocal shape

3. Can put it on my resume

4. Free coachings and lessons

5. Can put it on my resume

6. Nice opportunities to schmooze

7. Can put it on my resume....sheesh, I hope this resume stuff is not overrated.

Right.  Oh yes.  What role am I covering?  (Cover: understudy, second in line to the throne, aka free labor)  I'm currently learning Rosina in that ever so famous "Barber of Seville"...you know, the one with the song where the guy sings "Figaro" like a million times in a row?  Also used in that ever controversial scene with Tweety Bird smoking the ciggy and chilling in his cage?  No, I don't get to sing that song, but in true Rossini style I get to sing Italian words over and over and getting faster and faster, louder and louder...until we all fall down.  Hmmm....you know, I've never seen an opera singer pass out now that you mention it -- seen a few floor dusters in choir concerts...man, I can't stay on track today!

So most days you'll find me sitting in my office chair looking like I'm talking to myself and staring out into space -- but don't worry I haven't completely lost it, I am just memorizing miles and miles of Italian dialogue (we call it recitativo, meaning to recite ....it is like hyped up, Mary Poppins talking).  Of course, looking at it as if I am doing it all for nothing is strongly ill-advised.  I mean, that's what a life coach would tell you, right??  No, No...I am INCREASING MY MARKETABILITY!!!!!!  hmmm....why do people keep stepping outside for like one minute...my theory? releasing pent-up gaseousness....LOL!  oh these temp jobs.  On second thought, maybe I have lost it...back to recitative!