It's here. Again. That feeling of overwhelming frustration and negativity that inevitably accompanies almost every production I'm in. I don't know where it comes from. It's like a big ugly monster that rears its head as soon as I walk into the rehearsal space. The only thing I can figure...maybe I'm bipolar!
Naaaaahhhh...but I would, nonetheless, like to know just what provokes said ugly monster. Is it a smell? The smell of fear and intimidation and superiority of mind and intellect that exudes from my colleagues that drives me insane? Yes, I think that's definitely an option, but not one that I don't encounter on a daily basis anyway. Is it my own feelings of superiority that gets smacked down when my singing or acting gets challenged? Oh yes...most probably!!!
Well, I'll keep thinking about this...but here is the thing. This show will be the official testing of my newfound zen mantras and Eapen Lubner-esque attitudes!!!!
I literally get up in the morning with this saying:
"I am going to have kind thoughts towards others,
I'm not going to get angry or think badly about others,
I am going to benefit others as much as I can."
Breathe in, breathe out....repeat mantra.
It has already been greatly put to test. After a somewhat frustrating coaching for me on Sunday, I didn't (for once) spend the whole day ranting about it! Yeehaw!!! I walked out and said, "Well...that's just two hours out of my hopefully 657,000 hours on this earth. That is a miniscule percentage so, really? Not worth the effort of being angry all day!" WOW! That attitude surprised me!
Or course, sometimes it works. Sometimes not. But I guess that's part of zen living too -- it's not always going to work. I won't lie. I have struggled with this bad attitude of mine for many years now!!! Here's hoping that this time I can get things under control. In the words of Mark Darcy I SHALL CONQUER THIS! I SHALL!
Here's a nice blog that I've been reading to help me stay simple and zen-like! A MUST for every artist going insane from this business!
Also on a side note: Happiness. Just a gentle reminder to myself and us all, that true happiness does not come from another person or an opera company or food or music or any other tangible thing. True happiness and contentment lies within yourself -- within your ability to live in the "now". So find a few moments to just sit quietly, quiet your thoughts, and find the happiness in the present!
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